It has been a long cold lonley winter....
I have a new desire coming that makes me want to be better. I want to feel better and be better... rise above the frustrations and pettyness of life that gets me down, and just live life and enjoy it.
Sometimes I feel down and blue, and wonder when things will get better. I want to improve my thoughts to appreciate what I have, and know that tough situations will work themsleves out. If you don't feel happy then goodness won't come to you...
I want to have those moments of joyfulness in a mundane day in which I feel drained and frustrated. I want to feel free when I feel bound to things. I want to feel more love and project love to the world. I knwo there is a positive in all things but sometimes you just have to stop and listen and watch to find it...
This year is a year of change, and I want to bring more change into my life!!!!
Friday, March 21, 2008
Saturday, March 1, 2008
I'm sad
well...
I arrived home from work, only to be YELLED at by my father. Like seriously SCREAMED at... just cause I didn't put something in the green bin.
He told me I don't do anything around the house.. (yeah cause he does SOOO much too *Hint of scacasm*) and pretty much reemed me out for a good...15 minuites.
I love how if he as a point to make, it's screaming. I am SOOOO SICK OF BEING SCREAMED AT. It's just him I guess, but I really feel like it's made a negetive footprint on me. It just, hurts a lot I guess. I WISH he wouldn't do that.. I sometimes wish he was a nice dad that I wanted to do fun things with, and that loved me for who I am. I've never really felt like he loves me for me...I feel like he's always wishing I was different. He also compares me to my brother and sister who are like angels in his eyes... while I am just some hanger on that doesn't do much.
while I am reading this I am just thinking of all the things that I need to work on too.. I mean yes, I am pretty frustrated with living at home. He also mentioned that I don't appreciate the things they do for me, becuase I don't do a lot here.
But, I do help out around the house. I help my mom with things and yes maybe I could help her out more.
even though I am frustrated, it doesn't mean I don't appreciate my parents and everythign that they do for us. I am pretty lucky that I have parents that do actually care about what I do... but especially with my Dad it usually just comes off as anger.... rarg there are so many feelings about my family that I have.. it's just so messed up and weird and strange and I really don't know what to feel or how to think about i tall sometimes. . . .
I arrived home from work, only to be YELLED at by my father. Like seriously SCREAMED at... just cause I didn't put something in the green bin.
He told me I don't do anything around the house.. (yeah cause he does SOOO much too *Hint of scacasm*) and pretty much reemed me out for a good...15 minuites.
I love how if he as a point to make, it's screaming. I am SOOOO SICK OF BEING SCREAMED AT. It's just him I guess, but I really feel like it's made a negetive footprint on me. It just, hurts a lot I guess. I WISH he wouldn't do that.. I sometimes wish he was a nice dad that I wanted to do fun things with, and that loved me for who I am. I've never really felt like he loves me for me...I feel like he's always wishing I was different. He also compares me to my brother and sister who are like angels in his eyes... while I am just some hanger on that doesn't do much.
while I am reading this I am just thinking of all the things that I need to work on too.. I mean yes, I am pretty frustrated with living at home. He also mentioned that I don't appreciate the things they do for me, becuase I don't do a lot here.
But, I do help out around the house. I help my mom with things and yes maybe I could help her out more.
even though I am frustrated, it doesn't mean I don't appreciate my parents and everythign that they do for us. I am pretty lucky that I have parents that do actually care about what I do... but especially with my Dad it usually just comes off as anger.... rarg there are so many feelings about my family that I have.. it's just so messed up and weird and strange and I really don't know what to feel or how to think about i tall sometimes. . . .
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