continued. . .

I find myself going in circles, thinking the same thoughts over and over again. Sometimes I feel so stuck where I am, not knowing how to move on or what to do. I feel like I can change, and get better, become a better person. But sometimes it just feels impossible, like I will be stuck in this place forever.
Life moves in a big circle... You move in your circle for so long, then all of the sudden you start a new circle. I ern for that new circle, for change, for renewal. NOthing seems new anymore... it's all the same.
I am going to bring new things into my life. 2008 is going to be the year when I change. I know I am better than a lot of the thoughts I think. I am going to move out of this old house, and be new again...
I want new creative things in my life. I want to try new things and experiance new things. I want to make new friends and see new places. I want to hear new music and get out of that same comfort zone that I am used to.

moving on

There are so many things in my life I know I am holding on to. Sometimes it feels so hard to move on, and keep growing.
I know so much that I need to grow. I have a lot of issues built up inside me, and I have trouble letting go of them all. I need to work through those hard parts.
I also have a hard time making things for me to do. I get very anxious when I have a lot of time to think....more later....

all topsy turvy

well it is well past my bed time... it's 1:30 in the morning and usually on a wednesday night I would be fast asleep.
Now that I don't have a routine for awhile.. I am all messed up! I woke up this morning at... 12:40 and now I am awake.
I think it's funny that what we do for a living dictates how we live. Now that I dont; have routine my eating habits are different... i.e. I don't want to eat until dinner time...I just drink coffee during the day now.
It is so weird how we have made ourselves eat at certain times, wake up at certain times, maybe even have bathroom breaks at certain times.
What have we done to ourselves...???

Crazy Cat Lady

I am convinced I am going to be a crazy cat lady when I grow up. I will live in a house full of clutter and throw cats at people. (

I had a really wonderful dream where I was married. My husband's name was Kevin and I was so happy. *sigh*. Sometimes I just get.. really sad about being alone. I mean, this is probably the worst thing you can do when you want the opposite to happen. But sometimes I just need to feel a bit sad about it all. Last night I was watching t.v. with my mom, my dad and my brother, and I just felt so pathetic...Like here I am on a Sat. night with my family at home. No wonder I am single...

I know I need to make the best of it, and I just keep thinking he's out there.. I know he's out there somewhere...but for now.. I'm still alone.

MEN!!!!!!!!!!! (beware angry venting)

I would like to know where some men get off.
You may think they are the nicest guys, then they turn around and treat you like shit... What's the deal with that??

I love how some men think they know what you are thinking. I love how they just make these conclusions in thier heads about you. Maybe if you just talked to me then you would know what I am feeling/doing...and what my intentions are. BUT NOoooooooooooooooooooo some guys don't talk.. they know what they want and then you are pretty much garbage to them. WHY talk when you can just go on to the next girl.

Why are so many guys ASSHOLES. Granted, I realize not all men are assholes...there are so many nice guys out there that know how to treat a lady. (that is why I said so many and not all) I also recognize that women can be asshole-ish too.

Why do guys hide their jerk-like qualities so well.. like they pretend to like you but they actually don't...

arg.... just ARG.

manifesting~

Manifesting gives me this WONDERFUL feeling. It feels like everything is how it should be.It makes me feel more alive and happy than anything else. I am reminded by the small things that it's so real. It helps me see the beauty and the positive in life. Even when things are hard and crazy and you feel like you can't get through it, a positive thought can work wonders.
The art of manifesting is such a part of life. Many people don't know that their thoughts bring them the physical results of what they are thinking. I just found it out recently, and every day I learn more and more about it. It's so inspiring, and I find myself in quiet moments of Joy..even in the hardest situations.
Learning how to manifest is for you. There are so few things in this world that are JUST FOR YOU. It brings so much abundance into your life...
There are things in my life that I would like to change, and I am working on them. But, the key is to be thankful for what you have now. If you want something new to come into your life, focus on it being there...instead of it not being there. (does that make sense??)
Manifesting is an everyday mirale! why don't you try it?? It takes some paitence, a lot of learning and an open mind...
are you ready???

..there's a boy that I like...

OK so there is this guy in one of my classes... I totally thought he was HOT the first time I saw him... tee hee!! But, I just assumed that we would never even talk. BUT, I ran into him at a bar.. and broke the ice. He asked me last week if I wanted to hang out with him after class next week..(being this tuesday)

Now.. this is a pretty big deal for me. I have been single for 2+ years now. I have been thinking about it all week long!! I can't wait for tuesday!!! I am kind of nervous because this kind of thing hasn't happened to me in a while. I keep thinking of all the bad things that could happen...

I know exactly what to do.. just be cool and have fun and be myself!! There are so many what-if's going through my head. I know in the long run whatever happens is just fine and I will be OK no matter what.. but GOSH there is nothing like a boy to just mess up my mind!!!!!!!!!!!

..today I hate everyone...

Ok normally.. I really do like being around people. But at the same time.. PEOPLE piss me off every day. School is the worst sometimes!!! I find it so draining dealing with people that like to just suck your energy... or peopel that really don't give a care about you. One thing I really hate is people that stare at you for no reason... what the HELL! it's like.. if U have something to say, just say it. Don't sit there and fricken stare at me!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know that I will have to deal with people that piss me off every day. I guess it's a lesson to learn that there are so many great people in the world too. For every annoying person.. there is at least one great one who will just hug you and tell U everything is ok.. or those people that go out on a limb for others, without even thinking about it.
I will be the first to admit that I am FAR from perfect...There are a lot of things I could work on about myself too. For one, getting caught up in how others act is definatly something I need to work on!!!!

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

...so many things just don't seem to be working...

crrrrazy moment!!!

welll... Today I had a chaotic time!! I was coming to my sister's place in Toronto, to look after her cats for the weekend. I am stting on the bus waiting to go.. and all of the sudden I remembered I left the keys at home. SOOOOooo... I hop off the bus just in the nick of time. However, just as the bus is rolling out of the station, I relize my bag is on the bus!!!! OH SHIT!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! I'm like yelling at the bus, people are looking at me and I start to run after the bus...with no avail. However, I see a very friendly and helpful bus driver.. and I explain everything to him. He says.. Not to Worry, I will radio that bus driver and let him know. U can pick up your bag in Toronto!!! I then hop into a cab, go home, grab the keys...come back to the bus station and grab the next bus. When I get to Toronto, my bag is waiting for me!!!! *FEWF* I am ever lucky!!!!! I feel like this was a challenge for me... cause often it takes other people to help get you out of sticky situations that you have created. However, in these situations, the best thing is to a) be responsible for your mistake and deal with it yourself. annnd b) know that it all will be OK!!! and it usually is!!

Equinox

right now is a time for transition... My intution is telling me that I need to change my thoughts right now. It's been pretty challenging lately. I really feel like the universe is telling me to slow down and be strong. I feel like this time of year, everything is preparing for winter. The leaves are changing and it's going to get colder soon. I've had so many challenges in my thoughts about being your own person. I think there is so much value in this!!!
I think it takes a lot of courage to listen to yourself and do your own thing...

taking things for granted. . .

it seems like everything goes a long just so forever...I never stop and think just what things would be like if I didn't have what I have. EVERY DAY I take something for granted. The fact that I have food to eat, that I have friends that care about me, that I have a caring family and that I live in a safe part of the world...
These are all things that come so easy to me...sometimes it's so weird when of these things just isn't there.. or something happens that makes you realise just how lucky we are... There are so many people the world who have nothing... they have no homes or no family... they don't have food to eat or anyone to take care of them.
I just wish I realized the important things in life instead of worrying about what I am going to wear somewhere.. or... does this guy like me? orrr a million other things that just don't matter at all...
I was reminded today of somethng else... That the trees, the animals, the air, the water... we NEED all of these things to live. But...If we weren't here... life would go on without us.
WE TAKE SO MUCH FOR GRANTED....WHAT ARE YOU TAKING RIGHT NOW?????????????

Come Together Festival and other stuff

Well.. nothing says fabulous end to the summer than Come Together. It's always so much fun full of awesome people and laughs and good times. This time was no exception.
I find myself feeling a little meloncholy at this time of year. It's when summer is ending and a new cycle begins. I often feel like summer is a big part of the year, and a lot of stuff often happens in the summer... and when it ends you know you are closer to winter. I love fall a lot though.. it's one of my favourite times of the year.
I have decided to make a list of things that I want to do this year. I feel like this is the last year of a lot of things, and I am feeling like it's really time to grow up and focus on me. I am going to move out this year for sure!!! Also, I plan to learn how to crocet, and be more responsible with money. I am also going to 'stop looking' for Love cause it is just a bad scene all around. You end up attracting the worst kind of people and always end up dissapointed.
cheers for now!
Sarah

I have been feeling a bit weird this summer. I don't know why exactly but it has been a strange strange few months. My job at the camp is so/so. I don't think I will be working there again. I just feel too old to deal with a lot of the 'drama' that goes on...blech!!!!!!!
It is strange to realise that I have manifested these situations though. Everything in life is created by you. I feel like manifesting is just so magical!! If you have the right mind, you can pretty much make anything come into your life. I think there is a missing puzzle piece though when it comes to manifesting things. I have been 'blessed'(in a sarcastic tone) with very strong emotions. A lot of times, my emotions aren't really the best and I get hurt so easily. I pysche myself out trying to figure out if it is me.. or is it them???
I knwo life is a mystery, but I do know that life is what U make of it....
(more later...)

Life!

Life just seems constantly a bit crazy... everything around you is changing. You never know when something is going to happen. Although, pretty much life ticks on the same way.
I am learning latley that life is about your perspective. It holds the key to everything. I felt a bit down this last week...but I feel like I felt this way to learn a lesson. It all depends how you look at situations. I often find myself in emotional ruts, and I feel stuck. But..I am the one who as put myself in that state of mind, and I can bring myself out out of it too.
When you are manifesting something, what you feel comes back to you. Although I've heard this a few times, it's something you have to experiance for yourself to understand. I am learning what true strength of spirit is.. to move beyond those feelings that are negetive. I really value all emotions, cause they tell you things. But, negetive emotions are very draining, and leave you in a very dark place. I am learnign more and more to look inward for these feelings. Often, looking outward leaves you feeling drained. You are the center of your life. I think we are taught to spend so much of our energy on others, on your job, on surviving, etc.... Learning to be aware and alive are things maybe a lot of us lack... There is so much value in being alone, a lesson I am still coming to terms with. (can you tell I have been thinking a lot lately??) lol. I often find myself in a state of just pure contentment. I feel like this feeling is the ultimate abundance. I usually have this feeling on my own. Although, I do feel it sometimes with others...it's more prevelent when it's just me......
I think I will leave it here for now.. :D

WHAT THE HELL AM I WAITING FOR??????????

lol I also wanted to say, that it is soooo nice to be home.
It's great to have adventures, but sometimes I forget how nice my home is, and how lucky I am to live in Canada. It feels soooo great to just be home and relax and see my family!

Decompressing from Gratefulfest..

Well, what an amazing time that was.
The first day we got there, it was awewsome. I felt like I was on a natural high just being there. We ran into all of our friends from Canada and got a wicked welcome. Everyone said they were so excited we where there.. it felt so nice!!! The first night of Dark Star Orchestra was AMAZING. This band is increadible. They play dead like the Dead does. The first night they played all kinds of wicked tunes and had a ton of energy. We were all so pumped to be there!! Lauren's hero, David Gans played a BEAUTIFUL set this night, it almost made me cry. He is one Talented Artist. After them, Cornmeal played. They are sweet bluegrass band that played acoustic and was really givin-r!!!
I went to bed soon after that, cuase it was a long day of driving.
Second Day...woke up feeling very groggy and out of it. It was super hot and very muggy. Lauren and I still got up early ish and made grilled cheese and salad..and went swimming!!! The music this day was wicked. The first band was Big Leg Emma..heard them from the beach :D. I don't really remember who played this day.. lol. I know I got a bit blasted from the sun and had to go into the shade. OH yeah. I think Greyboy Allstars played this day.. they were wicked and so funky. It was so hard to leave the stage to make the long trek back to our campsite. IT was a good 10 minuite walk back there. Dark Star was pretty mellow this night, and I found myself even more tired than the first night...goign to bed early :D
Third day.. amazing music alll day long. Started off with Jerry Garcia band... one of the highlights for me. They are soo funky and wicked. Donna Jean and the Tricksters played too, it was awesome to see Donna...she just radiated lots of amazing energy on the stage. Zero played next, but I had to miss them cause I needed to eat and rest. Keller Williams played next last, he was awesome!!! I love him. Dark Star's set this night, was wicked. They did a cover of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, and there was a huge fireworks display. After dark Star, David Gans and some of the DarkStar guys played a beautiful set. Lauren and I stayed up late and hung out at a forest disco party!!!!
The last day was pretty mellow, everyone had a blast the night before.. haha :D
I think this was my favourite day. Everything just seemed right and relaxed. New Riders of the Purple sage played.. soooo great. They played Friend of the Devil with David Gans and Donna Jean which was beatiful!!! Umphrey's McGee played, they were pretty good but I needed to rest during thier set. Darkstar's final night was wicked. They got people to donate for a rafflle for Rett's Syndrome, and make a request. They played the songs we requested. Started off with Shakedown Street!! yeeah!!!! Boombox played during the set breaks.. they were awesome and I got their cd and can't stop listening.
Had a weird night the last night, very random but fun. Woke up and Lauren wasn't there!! She finally found me, and after a little bit, we were off!!

such a wicked time. I was totally exhausted from this festival.. all the walking and the heat drained all the energy out of me. Other highlights were firepoi on the beach all night, Ganga icecream, and cliff jumping!!!!!! sooooo fun. I hoep I can go back soon!!!!!

blech.

Well...
lol it's kind of funny that my last post I was really happy. Today I am really blah. I know it's all in the balance of things but I just feel drained, frustrated and a bit down. Not too sure why, I guess I'm just pretty tired.
But at times I just need to feel a bit yucky I guess. This weekend was really crazy, and I have been going and going with not too much time to rest and relax.
I also am slightly delusional sometimes I think, which can add up to dissappointment. Being Idealistic is really great, but I think U also have to balance it with being realistic. Things aren't always what they seem. I wish I could know what someone was thinking, or what was going to happen. Unfortunatly, I just don't have that talent.
I know that everything works out in the end. . . It's hard to see that when you know it's not what you want, and maybe you want things to work out one way, but they end up going in the opposite direction from what you'd expect, or maybe in the opposite direction from what you'd hoped.
I think life is so random that way...I guess you just have to take the good with the bad and live life as it comes at you. I always try to think positive, but at times it's just easier to be in a cranky mood!

just... good.

I AM REAAALLLLY RIDICULOUSLY HAPPY!!!!!!!!
lol. everything just seems so perfect right now. :D

GratefulFest!!!!!

Well.... I am going to gratefulfest!!!!!
It is so funny cause I wasn't going to go.. now I am!!!! I am amazed at how PERFECT the universe is... and all that is meant to happen will happen.
I am still in a bit of a daze that I can actually go. How could I pass up an opportunity like this one??? I have never been to a festival in the US before either! it's going to be such a beautiful adventure!!!!!!!!!!

random things I like at this moment

I like...
Raw silk yarn
Jade Plants
Neil Gaimen
anything Yellow!

my first blog!

Here I am.. blogging again. I have been posting blogs for a long time now I guess and it feels good to be doing it again. I think today is a great day to begin a new project cause it's the first day of Summer!! whoo hooo.
I am house sitting right now and I'm discovering the value in simplicity. At home, I have so much stuff. Here, I have what I brought. It is kind of refreshing to just have a few things. I am always concetrating on other things, never on just being simple and enjoying what you have now. Abundance is the power in knowing you will ALWAYS have what you need. Sometimes I worry that I won't have enough, and this kind of thinking is pretty harmful. I worry about things before they even happen!!!!! It is nice just to slow down and relax and enjoy a nice summery day!!!!!!